Waking each morning at 5.45am at the sound of the bell and a personal knock of " Ave Maria!" At the door marked the beginning of the day for us Franciscans. The Book of Customs advices that each brother will then have to wash the face with fragrantless soap and within a few minutes to enter the Chapel for prayer. We each begin our day with Prayer and end our day with Compline at 8.30pm.
A routine life, with much importance placed on manual work and more community prayer throughout the day; a life of virtue and sanctification. A kind of life I will love to live and die in.
Back in the real world the noise of the television, the extra use of the internet, the invitation to leave the house (to go out doors) and the ringing of the phone- all these are giving me a little phobia, as these are all unnecessary for our Salvation. We never had the luxury of television, personal computer/internet, phone in our religious houses. The life in the real world is about getting busy, busy to earn money for the self.
I already find it a struggle that if I should get back to work in the real world, I will have to work extra hard in finding time for prayer and in helping others. Sadly, in the Malaysian culture majority of professionals work full-time, while I am hoping to work part-time/casual so that I can have extra days in the week for prayer and church work.
It is a constant struggle between the flesh and the spiritual world in ones self. What will be my decision? At this moment I am still inclined to return to the Spiritual world- to work for God and for all God's people. But, the possibility of me being sent far far away from my homeland will be inevitable; to America and then to Italy. Who knows as a Missionary, which other countries will I be sent to?
Many of my friends and relatives cannot understand me. They wonder why I am not attracted to money, to fashion, to glamour. Many wonder why will I like helping others first, and not help my self first?
Only God can answer, because I find it foolish to lose myself in the world, as the Bible says, what gain is there for one that loses oneself for the world and not for God?